At any given moment of the day, there could be anywhere from five to five billion visitors at The National Daily website. And although we honestly believe that number is probably closer to five most of the time, that still means the number could mathematically be as high as 2,500,000,003—one never knows.
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This is obviously great news for any business, organization or world dictator looking to broaden appeal, sell more things nobody really needs or to simply stroke an ego or two. Your motivation for wanting to pay us to get your message out there doesn't concern us one bit. All we want to do is continue funding our unique ability to crank out the highest quality comedy and satire our credit limit and libel laws will allow.
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We've had many clients who graduated to the "big leagues" after initially being unable to even fund one minute of Internet advertising time on a single pixel of our esteemed website.
We're of course referring to Geico's historic first ad campaign here at The National Daily in which they could only afford to print their logo on the toilet paper in our company's unisex bathroom. This proves that you don't have to start big or small—we'll make room for all of your vanity and narcissism. And best of all, nobody here at The National Daily will judge you or your messaging because we don't care. We'll leave the judgment to our readers and the Justice Department.
Geico's legendary toilet paper campaign.
Unfortunately for Geico, our employees and guests eventually became a little uncomfortable with the idea of dragging the image of a lizard and its tiny hands across their private areas several times a day. In addition, it became increasingly difficult to convince the significant others of The National Daily team that Daily members were actually not being penetrated by green-skinned aliens at work. This, after realizing the ink on the toilet paper (especially the green) achieved a fair degree of permanence when applied with adequate pressure to areas of soft skin. Therefore, although our toilet paper advertising program is still in effect, we can now regretfully only print using fleshy, beige or light brown hues.
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With that said, we strongly encourage advertising on our actual website rather than on our in-house paper products. Furthermore, we will almost make any accommodation to keep you from asking us to print your messaging on our toilet paper, no matter how small or flesh-colored the image or font. In short, we'd rather slap your logo and mascots all over our website than in between our cheeks.
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So reach around and let's explore how The Daily can help your future today.
