In short, on the morning of August 11, Mai Ding no longer found himself staring into your run-of-the-mill inescapable gravitational vacuum cleaner hose, but the even more inexplicable and sinister expanding frozen body of one Mattie Booker, a New Orleans prostitute who occasionally serviced the rocket engineers at launch sites like Cape Canaveral in the late 1960s at the start of America’s space program.

 

Apollo 11 Mission Control Flight Director Jan George Michael Vincent was able to piece together how this could’ve happened. Though he was only 35 years old at the time, he still remembers everyone vividly as he took a moment to reflect on Apollo 11, his old friend Mattie Booker and his two well-known offspring, George Michael and Jan Michael Vincent.

 

“Mattie was the crew ho, plain and simple. We just figured if JFK could use Marilyn like a tube sock then we should be able to use Mattie. Plus, we all knew she had ten kids so we wanted to help out. Those few months preparing for the mission put some serious money in her pocket. The last thing she ever told me was that she was planning to head south and buy the country of Uruguay once Apollo 11 wrapped. And she could've done just that if she only picked a better time and place to take a nap."

 

Vincent's account turned bittersweet, "My son George walked in on Mattie and I one time and I think that scared him enough to go to the gays. I made damn sure I didn't make the same mistake with JM.”

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Retired Cape Canaveral custodian Bo McWillimonger remembered how it all happened. "I knowed Mattie was taking some of these bright young white boys out to the launch pad to relieve the stress she said they was feeling. She would tip me a quarter each time to keep my mouth shut. Her favorite place to go was way up above the S-IVB rocket booster because it only had one J-2 engine up in there so there was room below the module to move around and take care of business."

 

McWillimonger added, "They told us to never fall asleep up there because you didn't want to find yourself pulling up your drawers when the countdown started. That's what happened to Mattie, I reckon. I saw her with one of the bosses the night before the launch and never saw her come down. I figure he worked her over real good because he was an angry sort. Those types like to put theirselves up in any hole they find."

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Cape Canaveral gift shop manager and part-time physicist Tobey Maguire explained one possible scenario. "I get asked this question a lot these days. What appears to have taken place is that Mattie woke up too late on launch day and blasted off with the crew of Apollo 11. She would've been outside of any protective compartment, so she probably died instantly and froze in a half hour or so. Then when the last stage separated from the lunar module, Mattie was probably catapulted into space at exactly the right trajectory that sent her accelerating toward the center of our galaxy. By the time she collided with that supermassive milky black hole, time probably slowed down—even reversed—such that the event now actually seems to have occurred in Mattie's life hundreds of years before she was actually born. This is something normal stupid people shouldn't even attempt to understand. That's why we didn't send our findings to The White House."

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Unlike Black hos, black holes have a retirement age. According to Maguire, any object arriving at the location of a retiring black hole at precisely the right moment will instantly be re-purposed as a brand new cosmic anomaly for all eternity. And this, it seems, is what happened to Mattie Booker's frozen corpse when it finally reached the milky white center of our Milky Way galaxy.